Protecting Harry
by Aceia
Summary: Harry doesn’t have an issue with eating. No really, he doesn’t. Deals with Orthorexia Nervosa. HP/SS slash


Disclaimer: This piece of art or fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offence is intended. All characters depicted in sexual situations are above the age of consent.

Author's Notes: Thanks to leakywitch for betaing for me. Originally written for the 2009 hp_mhealthfest on livejournal.

* * *

**Part I**

Harry fidgeted in his seat, trying to look at anything except the other person in the room. He didn't want to be here but was forced into it. _An hour_, he thought. _I only have to be here for an hour and then I can leave. I'm going to kill Ron and 'Mione when I get out of here. There's nothing wrong with me._

"So…how do we start this?" Harry asked as he fidgeted in his seat.

"We can start anywhere you want. I just direct the conversation to help you get to the root of the problem," the appointed shrink, Doctor Sorien, said.

"There is no problem because I don't have one."

"Well, then why do you think you're here?"

Harry sighed, "Because my friends are stupid."

"How so?"

"They think I have a problem with food, and you doctors aren't helping my case. I eat healthy foods. When did that become a problem?"

"Your friends and your physician think that there is a problem. That is why you were referred to me—"

"But I _don't _have a problem. Why can't you guys see that? I don't starve myself or make myself throw up. I eat normal, healthy food. How is that a problem?" Harry asked, frustrated.

"Eating healthy is not a problem. It only becomes one when it consumes your life." Doctor Sorien walked over to a bookcase and pulled a book from the shelf. As he walked back to his seat he flipped through the book until he came to the page he wanted. "Let me ask you a few questions to see if you should have been referred to me. Have you ever skipped foods that you enjoy in order to eat healthy?"

"Yeah, not all my favorite foods are healthy. In fact, none of them really are."

"Do you enjoy eating healthy?"

"Sometimes…not so much lately. I feel really good about eating healthy and sticking to it but I don't really enjoy it. There are some days that I could kill for a pie. Eating healthy is just a habit now."

"What happens if you break the rules?"

"I feel like crap. That I wasn't good enough to keep to the diet and that I shouldn't do it again."

"What happens when you go out with friends? Most restaurant food isn't healthy."

"That's why I don't eat out anymore. Look, doctor, what is the point in these stupid questions?"

"Your friends believe that you have a disorder called Orthorexia Nervosa. Based on my preliminary findings, I would have to agree. You're so obsessed with eating healthy that it has taken over your life. When did you become obsessed with food?"

Harry leaned back in his chair and said, frustrated, "Why don't any of you get it. I'm _not _obsessed with food. Sure I take the time to prepare healthy foods and I don't eat my old favorites but that doesn't constitute a disorder."

"Why do you think it's not a disorder?"

"Because," Harry yelled, "a disorder is something that you have no control over and it affects your life. If I wanted to stop eating healthy I could do it _and_I still have a life. I go to work, spend time with my boyfriend, talk to my friends…all normal activities."

"You don't believe that your eating habits are affecting your life," Doctor Sorien stated. "When was the last time you saw your friends?"

Harry groaned. "I don't know, a few weeks ago? But that's normal. So what if I don't see my friends that often. We're not kids anymore. We can't go sneaking around the school after curfew or copy our homework off Hermione. That life is over."

"Why do you say that?"

"We're _adults_ now, with different responsibilities, different goals, and different directions in life too."

"Different directions in _all_ aspects of life?"

"Yes!"

"What is your direction when it comes to food?"

Harry stood up and started to pace. "Back to the food," he grumbled. "Fine. While they chose to continue filling their bodies with crap, I choose to eat differently. To eat _healthy_.I don't understand why no one gets that. I _want_ to eat healthy; it makes me feel good."

"When did you first choose to eat healthy?"

Harry faltered for a second before resuming pacing. _When did I start to eat healthy?_ he wondered. After thinking about it he replied, "I don't really know. I think it happened a few months after I left school. I moved in with the Weasleys until I could find a place of my own."

Doctor Sorien started to take notes. "Did it start when you were at the Weasleys?"

"No. Ron's mom cooked for us. It started after I moved into my own flat."

"Why then?"

"Because I was on my own," Harry said as he sat back down. "That was the first time that I was completely in control of what I ate."

"When was the first time you remember that you deliberately chose to eat healthy over eating other food?"

"I was at Diagon Alley with Ron…"

~.~

Harry and Ron were walking around Diagon Alley trying to find presents for Hermione's upcoming birthday.

"Merlin I'm starving. Let's get lunch at the Leaky Cauldron before we leave," Ron said.

"Ron, we just got here, and you just had breakfast a few hours ago. How can you be hungry?"

"I'm a growing boy, Harry!"

Harry looked up at his friend, "You don't need to grow anymore, Ron. You're tall enough already. Besides, I can't have lunch with you."

"Why not? I heard your stomach rumbling when we were in the Quidditch store. We can get something to eat and relax before we have to go home."

"I can't, Ron. I made plans."

Ron peeked at Harry through the corner of his eye while pretending he was looking at the display and asked, "Plans? Do you have a date?"

Harry sighed. "No, Ron. We've been over this."

"You know I would be happy for you if you did. I always said that it was weird for a guy our age to never date."

Harry stopped and turned to face Ron. "I don't have a date. If I did I would have told you about it before we came here. Can we stop the dating talk now?"

"Fine. I still think you should get a girlfriend. I just want you to be happy like me and Hermione are."

"Oh, I get it. You want me to date someone that I have a history of having spectacular rows with and continue to fight with them until we finally break it off," Harry teased.

Ron punched Harry in the arm. "Shut up! You know I didn't mean it like that. We already admitted we were wrong for each other. We know we're better off as friends and are happier with our significant others now."

Harry laughed. "Come on, Ron. Let's get Hermione's present and then you can go get something to eat."

~.~

"You never answered his question though. What were your plans?"

"You never give up do you? My 'plan' was to go home and eat healthy."

"Why didn't you just tell your friend that, when he asked?"

Harry sighed as he leaned his head back, "Ron wouldn't understand. He never had to worry about food or how it affects him. He can eat anything and still look like a stick."

"So you worry about gaining weight?"

"A little. I don't have to worry that much since I watch what I eat."

"What makes you worried?"

Harry struggled to answer. "…My relatives."

"Your relatives. Why do they make you worried about your weight?"

"Because they ate horribly," Harry said. "I had to cook for them all my life, and the stuff they ate was disgusting. My cousin would eat a whole package of bacon, four eggs, and two stacks of pancakes, just for breakfast. He was even worse during lunch and dinner. My uncle wasn't that much better. While he didn't eat as much as Dudley, he still could eat a lot. My cousin ate so much that he looked like a hippopotamus when he was twelve."

"What did you eat when you were there?"

Harry mumbled, "Most of the time, nothing. Sometimes I would get cold soup, other times just a piece of stale bread…a piece of cheese with the bread would be a feast."

"What about when you were at Hogwarts or at the Weasleys? Were you worried about gaining weight then?"

"At Hogwarts, the house elves cooked. I don't even know if they decided the menu or if one of the professors did. Even if the food wasn't healthy, I had Quidditch to keep me in shape.

"When I was at the Weasley's, Mrs. Weasley decided what we were going to eat. I did worry about my weight when I lived there, because she was always trying to fatten me up. She kept trying to force food down my throat because she said I was too skinny. Her food wasn't bad though, I just didn't want to eat a lot of it."

"Because of your relatives overeating?"

"Yes."

Doctor Sorien sat forward and looked Harry in the eyes, "Harry, you do know that just because you relatives overate and ate bad food does not mean that you have to eat like them."

"I _know _that but it's hard because the only thing I knew how to make was crappy food and in large quantities. That's why I was scared to move out on my own."

"What happened when you moved into your own place?"

"I had just finished moving into my new place the day before I went to Diagon with Ron. I realized when I started unpacking that I had no food or any idea how to cook it."

"What did you do?"

"I went out and bought a lot of cookbooks…"

~.~

Harry walked into the bookstore and glanced around. He was glad that no one gave him more than a passing glance. Here in the Muggle World, no one knew about the Boy-Who-Lived. It was invigorating.

"Can I help you?" asked a girl wearing a nametag that said Amy.

"Do you work here?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. You looked a little lost. Can I help you find something?"

"Oh, um, I need to buy some cookbooks. I just moved out on my own, and I don't know how to cook."

"Cookbooks are in the fourth aisle. What type are you looking for?"

Harry looked at Amy. "Type? What do you mean by type?"

"There are different types of cookbooks available. We have ones based on different styles— like Chinese, French, or Spanish— ones for people that don't have a lot of time to cook, vegetarian ones, or vegan if you'd prefer. Whatever you could think of, we probably stock it."

Harry was staring at Amy in shock. He never knew that there were different ways of cooking food. The only time the Dursleys had eaten anything different was when Dudley had to go on his diet. Not that his diet helped him when he was sneaking doughnuts and candy. "Are there any books about eating healthy?"

"Yes," Amy said, surprised. "Not a lot of guys want to eat healthy even though it is better for you."

"It is?"

"Yeah. Why do you want them anyway?"

"I just want to take care of myself. I don't want to worry about any problems with my weight or other things. I just want to make sure that I am healthy," Harry said.

"That's great! Like I said, cookbooks are in the fourth aisle. You don't look to be the type to give up meat, so I would suggest staying away from vegetarian or vegan cookbooks. The healthy cookbooks are at the end of the aisle."

"Thanks," Harry said as he started to walk over.

"If you need any help, just ask," Amy called as he walked away.

~.~

"I looked through a couple of books and found a great one on different healthy snacks and meals."

Doctor Sorien made a notation in his notes. "You only bought healthy cookbooks?

"Yes."

"Why? Because of your relatives?"

"Yes. I told you that already. Why do you keep bringing them up," Harry asked as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Alright then, let's move on. You said eating healthy makes you feel good. What about it makes you feel good?"

Harry shook his head, "I don't know, it just does! Isn't the session almost over now? I don't want to talk anymore."

_Damn, just when we were getting somewhere, _Doctor Sorien thought as he looked at the time. "You're right, Harry, time's up. I have some homework for you. I want you to think about what else might be causing you to worry about eating healthy and why it makes you feel good. There has to be a reason. Think on that for the next session."

**Part II**

"Hello, Harry. How was your week?" Doctor Sorien asked as Harry walked in and took a seat.

"It was fine. Can we get started, so I can go?"

"Of course," Doctor Sorien said as he pulled out his notes. "We left off last time with some homework. Do you know why eating healthy makes you feel good?"

"I guess because it makes me feel in control."

"How does it make you feel in control?"

"I get to choose what goes into my body and how it affects me. I don't have to eat _any_food that has negative impacts on the body."

"So you've cut food out of your diet," Doctor Sorien stated more than asked.

"Yes!" Harry exclaimed. "Did you know that fish contains a lot of mercury? I didn't until I started researching different types of food and their effects. You're a doctor, you should know about what mercury can do to the body—lack of coordination, sensory impairment, skin discoloration, kidney dysfunction!"

"Did you have any symptoms of mercury poisoning?"

"Well…no."

"Then, why were you so worried about it? Most people don't consume enough fish to have high levels of mercury in their system, especially not in the Wizarding World."

Harry stared at Doctor Sorien in shock. "What did you just say?"

"I said that most people don't consume enough fish—"

"No after that."

"That fish in the Wizarding World doesn't have mercury in it?" Doctor Sorien asked.

"You're a wizard?"

"No," Doctor Sorien said. "One of my friends is a wizard, and I found out about your world through him. That is why you were referred to me, so you would not have to worry about breaking your secrecy law. Would you like to continue now?"

"Oh, um, yes," Harry said, still shocked. "I don't shop in the Wizarding World. I stay in the Muggle World and their—um, your—fish does have mercury."

"It wasn't affecting you though, so why did you stop eating it?"

"It doesn't matter if I didn't have any effects from the fish; I was putting all that _crap_ in my body. It's not healthy!"

"So it was the fact that it can have an adverse effect on humans that made you stop eating it."

"Exactly. I won't eat anything that will screw with my body. I _won't _do it."

"What do you eat then?"

"A lot of grains, fruits, vegetables, tofu. Things like that."

Doctor Sorien leaned forward in his chair. "Harry, can you describe what types of food you eat and how long you think about it?"

"Will it get you to quit with the disorder talk?"

"Yes, just humor me. What do you eat on a normal day?"

"Fine. I'll start with breakfast…"

~.~

Harry woke up to the sun blinding him. _What I wouldn't give for Hogwarts bed curtains, _he though as he stumbled out of bed. As he went about his morning routine, all he thought about was what he was going to have for breakfast.

_I'll try out that new smoothie recipe that I got. You can't go wrong with fruits and tofu, _he thought as he was showering. Harry walked into the kitchen and started to prepare his breakfast, getting out some frozen fruits and tofu and putting them in the blender.

"Forgot the milk," he said. Harry walked to his refrigerator, planning his lunch along the way.

_I will still have some tofu left, and I just picked up some rice. I can have that with the rest of the broccoli_—"No," he yelled as he looked in the refrigerator.

Harry started to pull things out of the refrigerator. "No, no, no, no, no! There was still some left. Where did my soy milk go? I can't have a smoothie without my soy milk!"

The only type of milk in his fridge was regular milk, a remnant from when Hermione visited earlier in the week. He slowly pulled it out and stared at it. _Can I really have a smoothie with this in it? _he thought as he slowly walked over to the blender.

"Ok, Harry, you can do this. It's just some milk. It won't kill you. You've had regular milk before," he told himself as he opened the cap and held the milk over the blender.

Harry stopped and stared at his hand. He couldn't get his hand to pour the milk in. "It's just some milk. People have milk every day. Just pour it in." Harry continued to stare at the milk, trying to will his hand to pour it in.

_I can't do this, _he thought._ I can't have a smoothie with regular milk. _Harry slowly lowered his hand and put the milk away.

~.~

"You didn't have the smoothie?"

"No! Are you insane?" Harry yelled. "I don't even know what I was thinking then. I must have had a lapse in judgment. I almost ruined a perfectly healthy breakfast smoothie with some stupid cow's milk."

"What was wrong with the milk?"

"What's wrong with it?" Harry asked shocked. "Dairy has pesticides and hormones in it. And don't get me started on the level of saturated fat that is in every glass of milk. It's disgusting."

"You do know that a little milk is not going to harm you, right?"

Harry shot out of his seat and started to rant. "A little milk—a _little _milk," Harry yelled as he towered over the doctor. "Are you serious? Milk is _dangerous_ for people. Even if it is _organic_ milk, it still contains bovine hormones and saturated fat that can raise my cholesterol and increase my chances of heart disease. If you and the rest of the world want to die an early death because of the crap you eat, that is _not_ my problem."

Harry started to pace so he could calm down. "A little milk," he muttered. "Maybe he's the one who has a problem," he said while shaking his head.

"Harry, don't you think this obsession with the negative effects of food is affecting you in any way?"

"It. Is. Not. An. Obsession!" Harry yelled as he whirled around to face the doctor. "Why can't you understand that? I _want _to eat healthy. It _makes _me feel good. Caring about what I eat and its effects on me is _not_ an obsession," he said as he advanced on the doctor.

"Harry, when was the last time you ate a perfectly normal meal, with food that could _possibly_ have a negative effect on you?"

"I'm not listening to this anymore," Harry said as he grabbed his coat and stormed out of the office.

"Mr. Potter, our session is not over," Doctor Sorien called as he followed Harry out into the waiting room.

"What crackpot doctor doesn't know the effects of milk on the body? I'm _fine_.Just because my stupid friends can't see that, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me. There is _nothing_ wrong with me. Our session is over. Don't ever expect to see me here again," he yelled as he stormed out of the building.

Doctor Sorien looked around the lobby at the other patients staring at the confrontation. "That could have gone better," he muttered as he walked back into his office.

~.~

Jack Sorien had never seen a case as bad as one Harry Potter. _He is in complete denial_,he wrote in his notes. Jack sighed. "At least he was my last appointment for the day," he said as he started to pack up. In the midst of cleaning his office, he got a phone call.

"Doctor Sorien speaking," he said as he answered the phone.

"Jack, what happened? Harry just stormed in here ranting about crackpot doctors and how he's going to kill his friends. What happened during your session?"

Jack sighed as he slumped into his seat. "You know I can't divulge patient information, Severus. Even if you are the person who referred him to me."

"I sent him to you for help, Jack, because I know there is something wrong with him."

"I know that and you know that. Harry, on the other hand, doesn't. I can't go into details, but he is in denial. He doesn't think he has a problem and until he faces it, there is nothing I can do."

Jack jumped and held the phone away from his ear. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO?!" Severus roared.

"Severus—Severus—SEVERUS! Calm down!" Jack yelled into the phone. "I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I can't help someone who storms out of our session when things get too tough. That doesn't mean I don't want to help him get better, but until he starts to see his actions as a problem, there is nothing I can do. "

"What can I do?" Severus asked.

"Try talking to him. You obviously care for him since I've never seen you go to these lengths for anyone else. Try showing him the positive aspects of food, all the nutrients he can gain from them, and slowly try and broaden the amount of food he eats. When he is ready to come to terms with food and his disorder, tell him to make an appointment with me.

"That's all?"

"That is all you can do right now, Severus. I wish I had better news for you. I just want you to be happy. "

"It's fine. I have to go try and calm Harry down."

Severus sighed as he hung up his phone. _When will our lives be easy, _he wondered as he wandered into the kitchen. He leaned against the door and stared at Harry banging around letting off steam.

"Do you need help, Harry?"

"No, I've got it," Harry said as he glanced over his shoulder at Severus. "I'm going to kill 'Mione when I see her. How could she send me to some crackpot with the idea that I have an eating disorder? At least you would never do something like that to me," Harry said with a smile.

"Right. Well, that is the difference between friends and lovers," Severus said as he wrapped his arms around Harry and nuzzled his neck.

As Harry melted into Severus' arms, Severus couldn't help but think, _Harry, I've protected you all your life. Now it's time to protect you from yourself._


End file.
